Your Head Knows What Your Heart Doesn’t Feel

Your brain understands the reality of death.  It reminds you that you are indeed still here, while your loved one is not.  Your brain gives you the ability to understand the logical aspects of death, and it helps you to move forward as you continue living your life.

However, the heart has no brain cells.  The heart feels the absence of someone loved.  The heart remembers love shared, dreams unfulfilled and words unspoken.  The heart yearns for what the brain knows to be impossible.  With every significant injury, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, healing requires time, usually more time than we ever imagined.

If you’ve ever experienced a surgical procedure, you know that the pain is very real even if the scar can’t be seen.  We become protective of the part of our body that bears the scar because if that tender part is bumped or nudged, the pain can begin anew. Even when our body is completely healed, the scar lingers, sort of a badge of courage, reminding us of what we have lived through and reinforcing that we are not the same person we were before the surgery.

Our heart is no different. Grief is an emotional surgery, and we grieve the way we loved. We may appear fine on the outside, but the pain of death is alive inside.  Yes, the pain does lessen and hearts do heal, but a scar remains.  Our scar can be bumped in many ways, at births, weddings and graduations – times when the absence of our loved one may be felt strongly.

Certain scents can “bump” our scar and remind us of what was. Music can nudge your scar, especially when you hear your loved one’s favorite song or a hymn.  An unrelated death can open your original scar and produce pain. The things that nudge or bump will be unique to you and aren’t necessarily bad. Yes, we shed tears, miss and yearn for our loved one, but the important part is that we remember.  Remembering gives us new hope.

Memories can be held close in our hearts, and no one or nothing can take them away. Love does not die, people do, so you can move on into your grief journey, take the bumps and bouts of grief and keep your loved one in your heart forever.

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